Get the door!

I want to write a lighter post today, since my head hurts and I don't really feel like talking about anything too heavy. Maybe I'll even take a little nap after this :-)

I wonder what it is that causes the reactions I have to simple things like, the phone ringing, or a knock on the door. Personally, I prefer an email or instant message to a call any-day. That is, unless it's for something long and involved or my husband is calling. Please don't make me type hundreds of lines back and forth for something that we can discuss much easier and with less confusion by talking in person or over the phone. That being said, even if you need a real discussion, I somehow prefer a quick text to let me know. You know, "Hey little miss priss (that's something my mom use to call me :-[ when she was angry), I need to talk to you, so I'll drop by in about 5 minutes!" or maybe, "I need your help with something, I'll call you so we can talk.". Just that little warning eases my mind. I guess it prepares me.

See how ecstatic I am to talk on the phone!

I was laying on my bed yesterday reading through some pamphlets when I heard the door bell ring. Almost anytime I hear the door or my phone my heart-rate seems to go up a little. I'm sure it doesn't help when the dog starts barking like crazy. No big deal, I tell myself, just look through the window and check who it is. So I pull my curtain apart just enough to see two missionaries at my door. Another thing that gets my heart racing. I know they mean well, but I don't want to talk to them. Most likely they are Jehovah's Witnesses, but the white shirt on the man indicates that they could be Mormon. Either way, I don't want to talk to them. I can tell them I already go to church, that I am Lutheran or, I attend at the United Church of Christ where I am quite happy. However, that isn't usually enough. In-fact it sometimes invites them to ask more questions. I want them to leave, but I often answer anyway. This would be ok, but it invites them to come back, bringing this whole uncomfortable situation again and again. This is very similar to getting calls or visits from sales people. If I do answer them it is uncomfortable. I don't want to talk to them, yet I seem to insist on being "nice," listen to their spiel and let them down gently. Great, now they push, and offer some "benefit" like lower the price, different offer, guaranteed satisfaction, or cancel within so many days. No, I don't want what you are offering, and frankly I don't want you to come or call at all! That's what I'd like to tell them, but instead I just hang up or send them on their way. I really hate the feeling that I get when I have to respond to these people. I truly do not want to respond to them at all.

Okay, that's not missionaries, it's just us and Craig's brother Zack :)

I chose to stay in my room that day, not answer the door, and let the dog bark. I feel like I'm hiding out in my room, so they won't know I'm there, or will at least just go away. Why do I do that? Why do I feel that way? A little anxiety, I know, but why does this cause anxiety? I know I'm not the only one, others have the same or similar reaction. It's almost like I see them as intruders, intruding into my private life, but they mean no real harm. I even did a little search on this after the well meaning missionaries finally left my doorstep. I found a video of a women asking similar questions about her reactions to missionary visitors. Her reactions and feelings were more severe than mine, but along the same lines. I understood where she was coming from, even if I felt her reaction was a bit heavy. The replies, to her very honest post, were quite harsh for the most part. Especially replies from our very loving caring evangelicals, who want nothing more than to save the souls of every sinner they claim not to judge.

There, I found a missionary in my pics. Wonders never cease! 

So, what do you all think? Why do I react this way? Why does anyone react this way? And please do not put in any comments about it being the devil, or some demon inside me. That's the kind of thing people were posting to the lady in the video I described in the previous paragraph. I just find these kind of comments to be every bit as "demonic" or "possessed" as the reactions those comments are referring to. That probably didn't make a lot of sense, but I never claimed that everything I say makes total sense.